that time again...

i am messy, eating more chocolate than usual, and any other fatty food for that matter. plus my brain is telling me lies... its refocusing time. i have 98 days to accomplish these goals:

register for classes
figure out student loans
get good grades
save moneys
lose my last 10-15 pounds
get in the habit of healthy eating
go to the temple once a week
read the book of mormon
keep my room clean for 97 days
be happy

i have a lot to do. but i can do it! and my reward if i finish all of these? SHOPPING SPREE right before Cam gets home :) Lets do this!

to the max

The past two weeks I can honestly say have been the most stressful weeks of my life! So please excuse my broken out face, excessive eating and moody attitude... i just need a moment.

Thank you to the temple, prayer, my family and my Heavenly Father because I am finally finding clarity and direction. There are many changes going on with me and I am not ready to release them all but stay tuned... there could be big news!

As for my sweetheart, I still love him more than anything! We are happy and in love. And here comes the big BUT.... he is stressing me out just a little with all the wedding stuff. Don't get me wrong, I want to marry him more than anything, but I am learning that I just don't deal well with things that are rushed, and I don't see why we need to rush anything. Plus I can't handle the stress of planning a wedding right now, there are things I still need to figure out. I wrote him this week letting him know that we both need to still focus on ourselves individually and then we will work on us together when he gets home and just being happy and having fun as a pre-married couple :) It will all be good and the end goal is still being sealed in the temple, and it doesn't matter when that is!

Today I am going to let go of all the stress and just get my life back in order. Today, I am getting back to HAPPY!

mrs. deeds

President David O. McKay made this statement: “Man’s greatest happiness comes from losing himself for the good of others.”

And President Thomas S. Monson said, "My brothers and sisters, we are surrounded by those in need of our attention, our encouragement, our support, our comfort, our kindness—be they family members, friends, acquaintances, or strangers. We are the Lord’s hands here upon the earth, with the mandate to serve and to lift His children. He is dependent upon each of us."

I honestly believe that you cannot be truly happy unless you are serving others! Today, that is my goal. Today is going to be a really good day! And what a better way to start it off than with some Daylight Dounuts? :)

Race Day :)

The day all started out when I woke up so mad at my dad. I had just dreamed that me and him were running the half marathon and we were killing it, basically the easiest thing of my life. My goal was to be under two hours and I was going to make that goal no problem, until my dad decided he wanted to stop and look at a freaking garden.... yes, a garden. We crossed the finish line at 2:00:09! I was so mad! 

My alarm woke me up at 4:00 am, and then again at 4:05 am, and then one more time at 4:10 am. Good thing I had to be at Kellie's house at 4:20. I made it over there at 4:25 am and we headed to the high school. I still could not believe how fast 13 weeks went. Race Day was finally here. I was feeling so confident and ready to just kill the race! Little did I know it wanted to kill me as well.

The race started and the first 2-3 miles are always the worst, trying to get into your groove and all numbed up. Once we hit that 3 mile marker it was smooth sailing down the canyon. We were booking it! Our fastest time ended up being around a 6 minute mile... we probably should have done some high elevation training as well. I was feeling great though. Downhill is my friend. Out of the canyon our family was there cheering us on, and that was so great. I was now at mile 7! wooohooo! I was so excited... but that excitement only lasted about a minute when I realized we were now going into rolling hills and that I was starting to feel my legs again. The more tired my legs got, the more work I had to do and the less I could breathe. Now all I could think was.... Shiz, I still have 5 miles to go! I kept going though.

We were met by family again just behind Lone Peak High School. I had now fallen pretty far behind everyone except Scott, but I wasn't so concerned about time anymore... I just wanted to finish without dying.  Scott caught me at Mile 10 and we decided to work together... well more like scott dragging me along trying to make me do something. My legs were done. Mile 10 was the longest mile of my life. I NOW WANTED TO DIE. Granted my longest run I have ever done in my life was an 8.5.... hmmmmm. Anyways scott pushed me and even though it was two miles of walk/run/walk/run, I was making it through.

My legs hurt and didn't want to go anymore. The sun was in my eyes. My body was simply exhausted, but I saw that finish line and finished strong. My family all there cheering for me. I can't even tell you how happy I was crossing that finish line. 13 weeks earlier I could barely run a mile without wanting to die... and now I had completed 13.1. My time was 2:14:00 which is not bad at all. This was one of the hardest things I have ever done and I couldn't have been happier that I stuck to it and accomplished one of my biggest goals. 

I freaking love my family and all the support they give to me! Thanks all of you! You are the best! :)

blessings

the Lord teaches you so much about how to live your life to be the happiest you can be through the spirit and its amazing how different accepting and believing what you are taught is compared to being tested on what you learned. I truly believe that He doesn't want to give us trials and tests that make us sad and uncomfortable sometimes but it the only way we can truly grow and learn the real lesson we need to. there is opposition in all things, therefore to know true happiness, you may have to know sadness. I cannot express enough how blessed I am for the trials in my life and the lessons I have learned. It seems like the closer it gets to Cameron coming home, the more I am being tested and tried, but I know he is preparing me for the amazing blessings that are to come. I love him with all my heart!

Not only is my Savior right there by my side guiding and directing me, but so is my sweet Cameron. He is the most amazing man I have ever met. Yes, he may be on a mission and is spiritual mode all of the time to the max, but how intune to the spirit he is inspires me. He always knows what to say that goes along with what I am going through and is always there to be my strength. I am so blessed to have him by my side for eternity. He encouraged me today to get out my patriarchal blessing and to read all of the amazing things I have going on and have to look forward to. So here it sits, right next to me.

I want to just testify of the atonement of Jesus Christ. It is real and I KNOW that Christ suffered and died for me, that when I take the wrong path, he will guide me back and bring me to peace. He wants me to be happy and I can't even imagine the love he has for me that he would bleed from every pore to feel exactly how I am feeling. It is comforting to know that I can talk to him because he knows what I am going through. The amazing thing is that the Atonement is for everyone and can bring happiness to everyone, if you really try and change to be better. I want to be better and will strive to be better every single day. Each day is a new day to start out fresh and be better than the day before. So I am grateful for tomorrow and the lessons I will learn!

June

so my race is in 19 days...

am I freaking out? you know... maybe!
but by the time race day comes around I will be ready and I will be 7 pounds thinner :)

bring it on June!

baby week

well this is the week! a week for change. jamie is having her baby on wednesday. a new baby in the family, it just doesn't get better than that. cameron is finally getting transferred to kingsville. i can tell he is excited for his "baby" and i quote, "im dialated to about a 8 haha cause out on the mission we say we are pregnant and we are going to have a baby.... its gonna be so fun and me and Jamie are having babies at the same time!" im sorry honey, but that is just a little weird haha. its fine. with all this baby stuff going on i may have become a bit more baby hungry. which is okay, until i made the huge mistake of telling cam that. he wants a baby so bad. we would have a honeymoon baby if he had it his way. so when i said that, he about went through the roof. sorry to get your hopes up baby, but its NOT happening for a while! anyways, my change for the week is that i am actually going to lose weight! the past few weeks i have just sucked haha so i think its time to get back into my good eating and working out and dropping the pounds. it will be a good week though and email day was just the thing to start the wonderful week off! :)

5 weeks

just watch me kick all of your butts.

be ready, because in 5 weeks, you'll see the difference.

ready set go!

WILL

these are the things i will do today.

clean my room
do my laundry
get my surprise gift basket ready for "her"
get my hair done
listen to country all day long
clean the fish tanks, let them know they are loved
eat right
be happy
get re-motivated

yay for saturday.

and..... break!

its goal time

goals for this week:

• no binges
• intense workouts
• high amounts of water intake
• not freak out when getting wisdom taken away from me
• no more than 20 minutes of blogging/fbstalking/pinteresting per day.
• lots of scripture reading and studying
• happiness

yep i think that is about it.
lets go!