breakdown.

Cameron has been gone for about 6 months now and even though it seems like time went so fast, I couldn't go fast enough. This past week in particular has gone by extremely slow with me being out of school, moved home, and work has been slow, it's just like last summer (minus all the snow outside) when he was here with me. Memories are coming back and literally haunting me and making me miss him even more. We got his last SD card on Thursday and there is one video in particular that I absolutely love! He is in his apartment playing with fire, which is mom was completely livid about, and when he would make these huge flames he would do his cute little giggle and smile so big and talk in his little kid voice!! :) Then at the very end the flame like shoots and kinda scared him a bit and he started laughing so hard, the laugh that he would make when I was tickling him or did something really retarded and he would start laughing at me! I love to hear that laugh! Me and Noelle were talking last night about how we still have a year and a half but we have no choice but to wait and then she looked at me and said, "well you do." I reminded her that I really don't though. I love this guy more than anything and he honestly is everything to me! He is everything I have ever wanted in a guy. My list from my early young womens classes of things I want in my future husband honestly consisted of: Tall, pretty eyes, football player, strong, loves the gospel, loves families and kids, very spiritual, honest, hard working, a returned missionary, sweet and kind, loves me for me, takes care of me, keeps me safe, funny and happy, crazy like me, strong testimony, etc. Cameron meets every single one of those! I have always met guys and dated guys who met some of them but lacked in others, but Cameron has every quality, physically and spiritually, that I have ever wanted in a guy! So no, I don't have a choice to wait, I am waiting because I know it will be worth it! He is worth it! The other day Jamie asked me how Im doing this because he is been gone for so long and still has so much more time to go... It's because I love him. They say you'll do anything for the one you love, and it's true I will! I would do anything for him! I just can't wait to talk to him on mothers day! His family is so sweet to let me come over and take some of their time to talk to him! I just love him and his family! And also my family for being understanding about how much I truly love him! It is hard for me sometimes to put myself out like this and tell people how in love I really am, thinking they will think I am too young to know what love is and make fun of it. But I do know and am mature enough to take it seriously. I just need to keep my head high and push through these next few months! only 18 more left! I can do it! :)

I hope I don't have to go in for my call in today. I would rather my day consist of dance competition, scrapbooking, Fast and Furious, and watching the royal wedding. Yep Im good with that! So hopefully they wont need me today, if they do, it's money right?