it bewilders me to think that a year ago me and my dad were begging the stake president to let me go on my mission at 20. i understood that it would extend the period of time i couldn't see cam for another 6 months, but he kept telling us there was nothing he could do. i couldn't help but feel a little bit saddened that the announcement made this morning did not come a year earlier, especially because this past year has been one of the hardest of my growing up years and I have had to go through so much that i wouldn't have had to being on a mission. it makes me wonder what kind of person i would have been and if that would have made me better for Cameron.
I also thought to myself, with this change, that would have meant that Cameron would be home by now. I wouldn't be waiting another 38 days for him to come back.
then i am humbled when i think about what if that really was the case and he could have left at 18. me and him started dating only 1 month before graduation and even then it wasn't official until graduation. we would have never started dating, never dated and definitely never would have realized our full love and commitment to each other. ultimately, i would not be with him today and in retrospect, for eternity.
as for me going on a mission... not going to lie, it has definitely made me wonder if i still am supposed to serve. i must have needed to learn something this past grueling year and maybe not for right now, but experiences for marriage, church callings or my future children. i trust the lord and i know that it is all in his timing.
i just can't help but think about how different my life would be right now and the person i would be. and quite frankly... it makes me wonder if i even like who i am right now. and maybe i am just thinking way too much into this. all i know is that the lord has a plan for me and right now it is to do my best, fulfill my calling, support Cameron and be a strong part in my family.