for those who don't know, i applied to the University of Utah four weeks ago. i felt good about this decision and everything was coming together perfectly! me and cam were going to go to the same school and be smart together and just live the most wonderful life. it was perfect. until a letter came on saturday letting me know that i wasn't accepted.
i all of a sudden got lost at what i was supposed to do with school. i couldn't believe that after feeling so good about my decision and paying so much money and putting in so much time to get in.... i didn't. my heart was hardened again. why? why can't one thing go as i had planned? why couldn't my life just work in the way i want it to? i tried to pray to understand, but the hardness of my heart kept my far away from the spirit. i finally couldn't handle it anymore. i let it out. yes, another melt down.
i realized how selfish i was being. all i could think about was me and the way i wanted things. sometimes i forget that God knows everything, including what is going to benefit me the most and make me the happiest. i truly believe that he wants us to be happy and have everything we want, but if what we want isn't going to make us most happiest, he sends us on a detour. i have encountered many detours in the past two years. some longer than others, but i always end up happier than i was before and grateful for the journey i have been given. i may not know what is ahead for me, but the Lord sure does and thank goodness I can talk to him whenever i want and he will guide me to where i need to go.
one big thing i've learned is to not close doors. even though the door to the U is closed at the moment, my opportunity to learn and earn my education at UVU is still open and if i work hard and do my best, more doors will open, giving me more opportunities to be happy.
tonight i feel so blessed. not only for the motivation i had tonight to get things done that needed to be, but also for those around me. my family, cam and his family. i feel so loved and blessed.
i know that our Savior knows us and exactly what we are going through. he has been there before in the garden. he loves us with a perfect love and is always there. he is forgiving and kind and only does things to make us happy. i love him with all my heart! the Church is true and Christ Lives!!!!! :)