life

life sucks sometimes.

today it really sucked. like big time suck. ugh.

thank goodness for a mom who knows what she is talking about and a Heavenly Father trying to teach me a lesson that the way i am living my life... isn't okay. i realized that i make really stupid mistakes. and i blame everything but myself. my favorite one i said today... "because i haven't been reading my scriptures or saying my prayers" hmmm... and who's fault is that? Yep. Mine. i have been living my life in a way that isn't me. and im done with it. especially after today. good thing i will be freaking Chinese tomorrow. but i want to change for not only everyone i love, but for me. i have been through more than i would have liked these past two years and done things im not proud of by any means. but that doesn't define who i am or who i can become. i still have a life time to be better. and i want to be. sometimes i just need to hear it from 3 of the most important people in my life for it to really stick into me.

noelle said something today that hit me... and now i can't remember it. oh goodie. well anyways it was really good and i needed to hear it. it will come back to me sometime so just pause on that thought...

anyways, moral of the story. do what your mom tells you, or else you will have days that suck really bad. don't know how many times i have had to learn this lesson but, i know after today, im going to remember it!

by the way, school is going amazing and i love it so much! Just working hard and actually doing my homework and studying... haha some things can change! did i mention i am completely broke too? oh yeah. school will do that to you. i was so happy that it was payday so that i could finally pay for my books! it will still take me till next month to pay off everything but as long as i don't buy anything... i should be okay. growing up is dumb in that way.

i love cameron with all of my heart. he is my everything and i don't know what I would do without him. words cannot describe the love i have for that man and what he means to me.

other than that. i am just going to take the rest of the week to refocus and fix me. i think on saturday i am going to start really early and read my book of mormon all day and try to finish it so that I can start it again and finish it again before cam gets home. that is my goal for right now.

life is really hard. and i could not be more grateful for a Savior who knows exactly what I am going through and that I can lean on. he knows what my thoughts and desires are and i know he is just waiting on me to get to that level where he can help me again. and I WILL get there! He loves me when i don't deserve it and that makes everything better.